photography by annie appel
film-based work *
Waiting (work in progress)
Thursday 11 September 2014
10:36 night - Woodley Ave at mom's
T.V. murmuring from your bedroom. Writing
while you sleep, from the guest room, which
consists of my childhood furniture from Texas
days, only now it's all been moved here to Los
Angeles. Awkward writing. Hesitate to do so.
Started and stopped and avoided journaling my
journey with you for years now. My champion.
Tonight you said you'd bought my birthday card.
"My birthday card?" I asked, not certain I'd
"Yes, for next month," you said, with a matter of
fact tone of voice.
"Next month?" I ask, trying to hide my shock.
Next month. Next month is October. And I think,
'I can see why you'...but I can't. I can't see why
you transposed the date. I say nothing because it
would be too upsetting. I can't. What would be
the point? This moment.
Later in the evening I ask when you'll be going
to visit Eli, the newest grandchild. You think
you'll go about six weeks from now and I say
let's see that will be - and you fill in the answer
before I finish my sentence - "November."
I want to hold you in my arms. I want to protect
you from this. I want to keep you with me always.
29 February 2016 - The Village (assisted living)